miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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