I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize