He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
