Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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