We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
