My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I look better un-naked...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
