words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
