Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
