u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize