I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
