Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
