Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
