I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
