so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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