Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize