Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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