I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
