Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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