I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
