i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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