No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
