it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
