This is not my ceiling
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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