you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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