3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
