The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
