his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
