If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
