She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize