You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
