you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
