Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
