Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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