I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize