there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
