quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
