You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
