Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
