soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize