Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
