Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
