another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
