She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
