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Do you still have your period?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
