Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
