Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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