you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
