i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
