dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
