dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
