The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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