Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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