Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
