Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
