come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
