question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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