If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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