we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
