The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
