And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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