hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
