YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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