hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
