So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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