Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize