Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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