Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
