tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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