It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will pee on everything he values.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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