He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's Friday. Sex?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bring me that man meat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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