I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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