Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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