on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
