my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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