Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
