if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How naked do you want me to be?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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