C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
