They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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