So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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