Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
