We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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