I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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