When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
do nipples grow back?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize