she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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