Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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