what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
