Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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