I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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