can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
