Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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