Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize