We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
