a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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