He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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