You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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You. Win. At. Life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
