Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
