Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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