Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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