Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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